|
|
|
Oh my God.
Daily Overview
June 15, 2005;
Talk about a good combination -- you and a certain someone are as good as basic peanut butter and jelly, and as thrilling as high-class champagne and caviar. No matter what your tastes run to, it's delicious.
|
 they're just jealouse because we're young & in love
|
|
First of all; I am in love with this new song by the Foo Fighters-Best of You. It's the greatest song. And I could scream it in someones face. Gosh.
Second of all; I have a lot of things to do before I leave for Texas...& A lot of thing's to do while im in Texas...Here's a few of them...
Note to Self:
Before I leave for Texas I ...
Be with Chris a lot.
Get to know Chris a lot.
Be with Chris some more.
Get a new cell phone because this one blows.
Get an even better tan then I already have.
Hang out with Frank & Matt.
Hang out with Joe.
Have at least a 10 minute convo. w/ Mike without stopping for 10 minutes in between.
Buy the Foo Fighters CD.
Pay my Daddy.
Have my Daddy re-pay me for clothes.
Go to the pool with Tash Tash.
HANG WITH TORI!!!:-D
Kiss Chris.
While im in Texas I must
Meet a cowboy.
Ride a bull.
Tan with my boo boo bear:-)
Dave n Busters.
School clothes shopping :-)
Sleep on the bottom bunk.
Take a massive amount of pictures.
Tell her everything she's missed the past 2 years.
Meet her man.
Talk to mommmmmy :-)
Party...of course.
See BUDDY! MY DOG!
Awwwwwh fucking hell I cannot wait...
Oh, and if you guys only knew how beautiful this kid was...you'd know everything.
Goooooooooooooodniiiiiiiiiiiightttttttttt
|
Read 13 or they're just jealouse because we're young & in love
|
|
This song has absolutley nothing to do w/ how I feel right now.
But I just really like it, a lot.
I woke up early this morning around 4am
With the moon shining bright as headlights on the interstate
I pulled the covers over my head and tried to catch some sleep
But thoughts of us kept keeping me awake
Ever since you found yourself in someone else's arms
I've been tryin' my best to get along
But that's OK
There's nothing left to say, but
Take your records, take your freedom
Take your memories I don't need'em
Take your space and take your reasons
But you'll think of me
And take your cat and leave my sweater
'Cause we have nothing left to weather
In fact I'll feel a whole lot better
But you'll think of me, you'll think of me
I went out driving trying to clear my head
I tried to sweep out all the ruins that my emotions left
I guess I'm feeling just a little tired of this
And all the baggage that seems to still exist
It seems the only blessing I have left to my name
Is not knowing what we could have been
What we should have been
So
Someday I'm gonna run across your mind
Don't worry, I'll be fine
I'm gonna be alright
While you're sleeping with your pride
Wishing I could hold you tight
I'll be over you
And on with my life
So take your records, take your freedom
Take your memories I don't need'em
And take your cat and leave my sweater
'Cause we have nothing left to weather
In fact I'll feel a whole lot better
But you'll think of me
And you're gonna think of me
Oh someday baby, someday . . .
The song literally gives me the chills...:-)
|
they're just jealouse because we're young & in love
|
|
I forgot what it feels like to be 9, & have a major crush.
And he reminded me...
The feeling is amazing.
& even more amazing feeling it when you're 15...
Anthony is my gay...super hero.
& Im so glad things have turned out like this...
How odd this song was playing
Today is gonna be the day
That they're gonna throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you gotta do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do about you now
Backbeat the word is on the street
That the fire in your heart is out
I'm sure you've heard it all before
But you never really had a doubt
I don't believe that anybody feels
The way I do about you now
And all the roads we have to walk along are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would
Like to say to you
But I don't know how
Because maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall
|
Read 4 or they're just jealouse because we're young & in love
|
|
As I sit here right now and listen to Burt McCraken’s hott as voice it just reminds me of how much I need to meet this guy sometime in my life. I don’t care if he’s 60 years old when I meet him. It is one of my goals in life. And I am deffenitley not kidding around. No, not at all. He is completley and literally 100% amazing...well to me that is. I hope non of you are as ubsessed w/ him as I am. Because I will kill you.
He is the greatest.
I’ve been in the biggest mood to write latley. Just write. Nothing special...Just whatever comes to mind.
I am so happy I get to see my best friend in 3 weeks. It is going to be the greatest. Now that she has her license & all we’re gunna be partying so much...& we’ll actually be able to go to the movies & mall & shit without bothering Mamma to drive us, which is good for her, & for us. Last time it was so much fun...Dave n Busters, pretending we’re 18, begging security guard to let us in...Boys from Arkansas...weird one’s that is. Ahhh im so excited. I think this summer I’ll make my decision on weather or not im moving up there. Im gunna come back with that Texas accent, just like I did last time ;-)
This year in school I am going to work my ass off. I swear, I’ll be so smart this year. Im sick of fucking around.
My face is peeling like mad, but it’s straight. Im still laying out tommorow. I dont care if I get skin cancer or not. I doubt I even will.
|
they're just jealouse because we're young & in love
|
|
Check out my fucking Horoscope :-)
Today-Talk about hot;you should tell those around you to carry fire extinguishers. Plan to paint the town whatever color you choose tonight, and don't be surprised if you get the red-carpet treatment.
TommorowYou're both inspired and inspiring; it's one of those days when people hang on your every word and the world, in general, falls swooning at your feet. Wear your favorite shoes.
Daily Single's Love
June 11th, 2005
Is it you or is it hot in here? It's you, baby, doing some serious global warming;except, of course, in a good way. You're breaking the ice big-time and heating up any scene that's lucky enough to have you in it.
I hope those are right.
I've been feeling pretty good latley.
I got a lot of shit off my mind that needed to be off, and it is so.
Im a lot happier of a person.
Im not saying thing's couldnt get better...Because they deff. could. And I have a feeling they deffenitley are going too...soon :-D
Im talking to Tasha right now, & she's the funniest person in the world.
She decided to put our whole conversation in her journal.
What.The.Fuck.
Oh boy...haha.
Alright, so work was hilariouse tonight I swear dude.
Im so happy right now, & so fucking hyped up. And I really have no idea why.
I just...I dunno'.
Im so excited for life.
It's such a mystery...
& everything is so ironic, fo deff.
:-D
Goodnight loves
|
Read 6 or they're just jealouse because we're young & in love
|
|
So on a little bit of a better note.
I went to bed at 4 a.m. this morning after talking to my best bud Tori :-D
Woke up around 10.
Layed out for about 2 hours & got a little more skin cancer, to add to what I got the other day.
Waited for Cody's slow ass.
Walked down to Cory's beach for Brian's dedication, lmao.
Happy Birthday by the way bro.
Me, Beau, & Cory skim boarded...Well...I boogie boarded. Same thing. Rocks got me. I suck. But im getting better...
Meanwhile, my bathing suit bottom falls off. & I loose another belly button ring.
Sucky.
Dunes catch on fire.
So me cory mariah jillian beau stephan cody april and kaitlyn all hung out on the beach till we decided we'd walk back to corys.
I was looking so rough I swear all i wanted to do was go home and take a shower...Too bad I couldn't because I had to go to work.
& yes...I went to work all nasty...Sand all over me.
It was discusting.
We got a new dishwasher.
& he's hott as hell.
Period.
And tommorow Im sleeping until like 2.I swear to god I will.
Right now I have such a horrible sunburn, im staying out of the sun for at least a day. No, jk...Im laying out tommorow. :-D
Suppose to be hanging out w/ Brooke soon.
& Wanting to hang out w/ Tori.
Gotta' hang out w/ Joe.
OH, can't forget JORDAN!
Goodnight guys.
Tommorow will be a better day . . .
thanks mike...:-)
|
Read 2 or they're just jealouse because we're young & in love
|
|
I don't want to hear one more person ask me what happened with us.
I'll let you all know right now.
No one ever ask me again.
Thanks...
-I was jealouse
-I didn't let him be with his friend's without questioning
-I accused him of almost everything.
-I depended on him way too much.
-He was a priority.
-I was too attached.
-I had too much love for him for a girl as young as myself.
-I held his hand way too tight.
-& loved him way too much.
-I had too much faith in us.
-I was too comfortable.
-I didn't like when he left my side.
-I loved being around him way too much.
-I loved looking at him too much.
-I was more than controlling.
-I trusted in him more than I could trusted in myself.
-I let him know me more than I know myself.
-I wanted to be with him too much.
-I made him crazy.
-I drove him away from me.
-I annoyed the hell out of him.
-I even went as far as making him fall so quickly out of love with me.
-I let him know me so well, that I didn't even know myself.
-I opened my heart way too big.
-I was too good to him.
-He was way too good to me.
-I sometimes even talked too much.
-I faught with him almost everyday.
-I told him I didn't want to be number one in his life.
-& he told me right back that I wasn't ever going to be.
-I accussed him of loving another girl.
-So many times...that now he actually does.
-Last summer i told him to take me to the movies to see the notebook and he did. and tried to tell me how much he cared about me. i didnt care to hear it. i thought i was 100x's better than him.
-Turns out he is 100x's better than me.
-I didn't go in the ocean with him.
-I didn't like going to Cory's everyday.
-I never met his grandma.
-His sister hates me.
-I didn't ever get dolled up for him, unless it was for a special occasion.
-I hated roller coasters.
-I yelled at him all the time about speeding.
-Even if he was only going like 2 mph over...
-I always made him shut off the music in the morning.
-& always changed the radio...& annoyed him & even his friends.
-I was always so sick.
-I made him lay with me everytime.
-I cried over nothing.
-I let too small of thing's get to me.
-I was way too much like my Mom.
-I yelled at him everyday.
-I made him feel like a peice of shit.
-I wanted to just lay around & do nothing with him way too often.
-I asked for too many rides places.
-Rarely did I ever pay for gas.
-I was a little spoiled brat & always got what I wanted.
-I made him drive all over St. Augustine to find me a bunny.
-I made him sit there Monday-Friday & watch a Soap Opera with me & my mom.
-I sometimes even got so boring that it made him bring his game boy.
-We had too much of a routine.
-We acted as if we had been married 10 years.
-I asked him why he always stared at girls.
-Only because I have low self esteem.
-Or maybe even non at all.
-I rolled my big ugly brown eyes.
-And wear too much eye liner.
-I turned my back to him.
-And I sometimes even didn't say "I love you" back.
-Im the one that asked him to buy me a promise ring.
-I did a variouse amount of things that he didn't approve of.
-I asked him what he needed to do so bad online.
-I accused him of wanting to see other girls.
-I told him to leave me.
-& one day he actually took me up on it.
-I told too many people how much he meant to me.
-I even went as far as waking him up while he was sound asleep to tell him I love him & ask him if he was alright.
-I gave him one pillow & kept 2 for myself.
-I sometimes even called him at work for dumb things.
-I made him leave the guys to come pick me up.
-I wanted to go to the movies way too often.
-I wanted him to go shopping with me all the time.
-I complained a lot.
-I decorated his truck.
-I bought him a hello kitty air freshner.
-When he said "I love you", I'd sometimes say "Do you really?"
-I made him a bet he'd be the one to leave me.
-I made him late to class.
-I told him to have fun in second period with her.
-Now look at him.......
All in all, I guess all those things built up...
And I became a lost cause the last 2 months of our relationship.
The end.
|
Read 6 or they're just jealouse because we're young & in love
|
|
I swear this is the last of it.
and our hearts have all been beaten and bruised
and we're all pretty fucking confused
and we always expect to lose
ill explain it all to you through alcohol and bad tattoos
if i talk and i laugh too loud
its because im trying to forget that im sad
because some things can get pretty bad
but id like to believe that somewhere ill find someone who's going nowhere
and we'll go there together.
-
Everything I know
Tells me he's everything
That I could hope for
Everything I know
Tells me I can't let him walk away
I took my time to find the words
I hope he'd feel the same
'Cause I want someone to share my smile
To share the pain
To be there when the sea turns gray
To share the joy
For better or worse
-
But I'll never have the pleasure of having the butterflies in my stomach again.
I hope she fucking rocks your world, god knows I couldnt.
The biggest rainstorm cant even compare to the amount of tears i've cried over this mess.
It's cool to send mixed signals- Isnt it my Love?
It's cool to make helpless girls fall for you!
-
And I finally found that life goes on without you
And my world still turns when you're not around
-
I'd rather listen to him breath on the phone, then come to the fact that we are done
hes like a drug i cant give up- addicted to the feeling it gives us
he said he loved me, he couldn't stop if he tried
he never was a good actor, but theres still hope in my mind
he says goodbye the mood is lifting, and with that he says thank you for existing.
-
your never going to find someone with whom you can look up at the stars
someone who can bring one down with just a simple kiss
someone who makes you feel like your touching the sky with your hands
someone who will make you feel like your flying, your never going to find someone.
your never going to find someone who loves you like i do
-
He keeps his hands low.
He doesn't wanna blow it.
He's wet from head to toe and
his eyes give her the up and the down.
His stomach turns and he thinks of throwing up.
But the body on the bed beckons forward
and he starts growing up.
-
and every night at 11:11 i wish that the boy
with the blue eyes as bright as the sky that
sparkle like the ocean
that gleam like the shooting stars
and with the breath as soft as a gentle breeze
with gentle hands and a loud beating heart
with the voice that for so long has comforted me
wakes up...
-
so dont go worrying about me, its not like i think about you constantly, so maybe I do...but that shouldnt effect ur life anymore
-
Is it really true
Did you save yourself
For someone who could love you for you
So many times we just give it away
To someone who
Someone who
You met in a bar
The back of a car
And for a moment
You felt important
But not in your heart
Cuz my self esteem
It’s been low
Go ahead and count,
It’s been lower than low
I know the feeling
Of it stealing life out from under me
Cuz I want to learn
How you save yourself
For someone who
Could love you for you
So many times we just give it away
To someone who couldn’t even remember your name
Did you save yourself
For someone who loves you for you?
-
Now isn't this fun
just what you //wanted//
my inner most fucking thoughts
You wanted feed back
I'll give it to you.
I'd rather you not
act like Every little [Frown]
means a page of Words
I H.A.T.E it when you
take Every fucking thing i say
and fuck with it
You twist ::Everything:: i think
into a fucking book
like everything I say
is worth writing down
when its NOT
And God, some times
your just like the ones you hate
I try to tell you something
that you Really need to know
//but you blow it off//
cause You don't think what "They"
(the rest of the world)
think matters
I'm sorry if this was too much;
but wait
you asked, What I was Thinking...
-
hey girl you think youre so in love. wake up &feel whats real; whats infront of your fucking face. youre nothing but a number; although you make such a nice addition to his recent body count. while you were hugging him, smiling away; behind your back my dear he was rolling those beautiful brown eyes of his. you stupid girl who knows nothing of love. so young &so nieve. if you had a dollar for ever fake smile hes displayed for your lovely brown eyes, youd be able to afford to get him something worth smiling about, trust me doll youre just not enough. so take that pathetic little heart of yours &cut if off your sleeve, &put the peices back together cause he wont be around to help you through this one when hes done.
-
I fuck you out of boredom.
I fuck you because I can't feel it anyway.
I fuck you to make the pain go away.
Fuck you because I loved you
Fuck you for loving you too
I don't need a reason to hate you the way I do.
Fuck you because I loved you
Fuck you for loving you too
I fuck you so I can feel something instead of nothing at all.
I fuck you because you're beautiful.
I fuck you for fun.
I fuck you because I can.
I fuck you so you will protect me.
Fuck you because I Love you.
-
I'll be your .Best kept Secret.
and your .Biggest Mistake.
-
It's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, for ever, you and me, every day.Do something for me. . . Just picture your life for me,30 years from now, 40 years from now. . . What's it look like? If it's with her, than go.I lost you once, I think I can do it again. If that's what you really wanted. But don't you take the easy way out . . .
-
I'm the person you looked at and said you loved,
I'm the girl with the prettiest eyes in the world
And a face and body to match
I'm amazing, unbelievable, incredible
Truly and utterly special
I'm the one you can't live without
The one you see when the lights go out
The only one for you
I don't love you
Enough lies, I'm ugly, ordinary
With the dullest eyes you've ever seen
If I leave, you'll carry on
If you leave, I'll die
I still love you
That's the truth, its all I know . . .
-
if I could go back, I'd speak my mind
No secret is a good secret.
& most of all, If I could go back
I would have told you I loved you more, because an amazing person deserves to know how much they are cared for . . .
-
Im sorry I pushed you away from everything we had, even me.
I couldnt ask you to wait forever.
Don't let her make my mistakes.
Forever is never too long to wait for somethng Perfect
I'll be here . . .
Love Always ,
- Me
Just had to get the last few words out.
Sorry
|
Read 5 or they're just jealouse because we're young & in love
|
|
Im just sitting here in my room by myself because my Mom wouldn't let me stay the night at Cody's. I had to wait for Louis to leave & stuff, & clean.
Got my tickets a few minutes ago...
I just can't wait to get out of here for awhile.
If I could have went there for the whole Summer I would have in a second.
The only thing stopping me was my job.
And as much as I just want to quit, im not going too.
Im going to stick everything out and be tough, because that's what someone very special taught me.
If he taught me anything it was to be strong, & just keep somethings in.
Like right now, my parent's are deffenitley going through hard times again...& as much as I just want to yell and scream at them, im not. Im trying so hard to stay calm. And for awhile I was so dependant on him...& now he's not here for me so I gotta' go through it pretty much alone. Not that theirs no other people...No offence to anyone, seriously...he was just always someone that was easiest to talk too...Through our friendship, or relationship.
So it's hard on me now...Now that I don't have that. It is hard. But yeah, maybe it's just best. It might make me a stronger person...& show me what I really want. Right now I just have so many mixed emotions about everything. And I don't know who to talk to about them. I just want someone that seriously understands...That can relate to me like 100%, & just help me through shit. I think Tori is closest to everything im going through.
& it's not much.
I mean, my life isnt shit. And im not complaining about it. I have it pretty good compared to some people in life, & I am very very thankful for that. Im thankful for my friends, & my family, and my little bunny rabbit that I think is sick :-(...& everything else...My best friend that I still talk to, & see even though she is a million miles away...that I have known since I was 5. Im thankfull so much. & that's why I feel so guilty sometimes whining in this thing...But sometimes it makes me feel better. But I don't know.
Life is such an un-sure thing. It really is. You just have to trust the road ahead of you. But seriously, don't trust anything too much. I mean, it's good to put your trust into people and everything...But like Tori said...every person has it in them to Lie. Lying is just what people do. Think about how perfect the world would be if lying didnt exist.
So many people say, "we should hang out", "your my best friend"...then they go & talk shit. Or just totally ignore you...or just never even come and see you. Or never pick up their phone when you call...I mean what the fuck.
Im just having a lot on my mind right now. It's late. & I get like this at night when im alone, and im sure most of you that read this know that...Im weird. Im crazy. Im a control freak & I suck at life.
No fuck that.
I am weird, but that's what people love about me( i guess? )...Im deffenitley weird. Im crazy, because it's me...im just crazy...always have been always will be, love it or hate it. I dont give a fuck anymore. And yes, im gunna' be controlling, & be the way I am forever, so I don't even see why any of my X boyfriend's that broke up w/ me always try to be w/ me again. I don't understand. I mean, if you didn't like something about me before what are the chances that your gunna' like it now? And that goes for myself too. I have a tendancy to go back to my old boyfriends. You all also probably know that. Ask me why I do it...& I'll say I have no fucking idea. Really I dont. I have like, never once just stayed single and met guys, and talked to different people, & went on dates and shit. I've never done it. Maybe it's just not my style or something I don't know. But I shall try it one day...
Right now, all I wanna do is keep doing good in school so I can actually get somewhere in my life. And keep my job until I get to work at that other place. and be with my friends... & all the extra stuff comes later...just whatever for now I guess...
Dont expect me to be the same when I get back though.
Really......Dont.
Goodnight.
|
Read 9 or they're just jealouse because we're young & in love
|
|
I just want to update.
Im in such a great mood right now.
I hope this lasts all day...
That would be a miracle.
Im talking to Jooordan...My long lost "best boyfriend"
Lmao.
Sending pictures and...stuff...
Going to hang out w/ Louis today after the doctor :(
Ordered my plain tickets, god...I can't wait to see my Tara boo boo bear :-)
And them...TEXAS BOYS.
Haha...
Scott is coming to see me tommorow.
& I gotta' work at 5 but it's cool.
Work rest of the week.
Something's going on next weekend, I just forgot what it was.
God damn...
Hmmm...Blonde hair again, finally.
Burnt like hell yesterday, god damn it.
Im gunna' go now.
Have a great day!
|
they're just jealouse because we're young & in love
|
|
"i love you so much baby
you are my everything your the best thing to ever happen to me
what would i do if i never met you i believe we were ment to be so we would have eventually met somehow somewhere"...
oh my god.
what the hell happened?
where did he go?
</3
|
Read 6 or they're just jealouse because we're young & in love
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
x3daytrajedyx's journal
mischievous.
loved.
chipper.
complacent.
ecstatic.
sleepy.
bouncy.
happy.
flirty.
sore.
relaxed.
annoyed.
determined.
predatory.
restless.
awake.
thoughtful.